I recently came to the realization that over the last few years, I’ve subconsciously begun to embrace my vulnerability. I realize that’s a rather loaded sentence in regard to heavy subject matter, but hear me out. I’ll do my best to explain.
For the longest time, whenever someone asked me how I was, I always responded with good, whether I actually was good or not. It became a habit, and furthermore, I figured no one wanted to hear why I wouldn’t be anything but good because it would make them uncomfortable, so I kept it to myself and lied. I could have been having the worst day of my life, but if someone asked how I was doing, I would respond with ‘good’ and a smile.
In the past couple of years, though, I’ve started to shift this narrative. I’m not going to lie, most days for me are anything but good given my Lyme disease and its associated symptoms. I’m certainly better now than I was two years ago, but the long-term effects of the disease, in combination with other autoimmune diseases I deal with, can prove to be pretty miserable more days than not. So, if someone asks me now how I am doing, I reply honestly. I might say I’m alright, not bad, shitty, great or terrible; I’m not sugar coating it anymore, because it definitely doesn’t do anything for me, and in being more honest about how I’m feeling and doing I’ve embraced being vulnerable, which is an interesting thing to do.
Given the world we are living in, most people are not overly happy for a variety of reasons. I would wager that people would be inclined to be more vulnerable with their emotions when asked, but understandably, the concept is a bit daunting. I guess what I’m getting at here is that I no longer associate purpose with lying about how I’m doing, and in being more vulnerable, I’ve actually found it to be a bit freeing.
Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash
ontheedgeofeverything 