I recently saw an Instagram reel that broke my heart. In the video, a woman is describing her struggles with general socializing with others; she explains how for most of her life she has been told she is annoying, despite her best efforts not to be, and how when she tries her damnest to justify herself in a less annoying manner, no one can be bothered to listen.
The reason why this video made me so sad is that I can relate to it. When I was younger, I was often told by others that I was annoying, and because an annoyance is the last thing I wish to be, I prided myself upon doing everything in my power to not be bothersome. I would agree with things within a specific group of people, even if I didn’t actually agree with them, so I wouldn’t seem annoying and to please them.
Thankfully, when I got older and matured a little, I realized how toxic it is to pretend to be something I am not to make others happy. This behaviour caused me a lot of confusion and grief, and I decided a few years ago that I cannot be bothered to care about the opinions that others form of me, especially when they do not know me.
If you find yourself masking your true, authentic self to please those around you, this is a strong indication you’re surrounding yourself with the wrong people. Friends and family should love and accept us for who we are as opposed to what they want us to be, and if you find yourself familiarizing with the latter half of this equation to bring happiness to others before yourself, you absolutely need to regroup and find better people to have in your life.
Stop changing yourself to better suit your surroundings. Change your surroundings instead.
ontheedgeofeverything 