I know I am a people pleaser, and it’s a realization I’ve carried with me for the past few years now. For the longest time, I genuinely did not understand that the way in which I was conducting daily life was in a manner that best suited those around me as opposed to myself, and it wasn’t until I actually did a little bit of soul searching and read up on the concept of people pleasing that I finally understood I fit into the category.
To say I had an awakening experience is an understatement.
In essence, there is nothing wrong with being a people pleaser, so long as you do not allow your people pleasing antics to get in the way of your own happiness, wants, desires and needs. This fine line is one that is often unintentionally blurred in the perspective of people pleasers – they want others to be happy, therefore they’re more than willing to sacrifice their own joy if it means they can provide someone else with it, which is why people pleasers tend to burn out after a while, I think.
For me, the most significant turning point in my people pleasing behaviours was grasping the concept that setting boundaries does not need to be done in a way that hurts others. I think I speak for most people pleasers when I say the notion of establishing boundaries is terrifying because it means we must assert ourselves and make our intentions clear with someone else. But, this doesn’t mean we need to behave like a rabid raccoon and tear someone’s heart and face to shreds; rather, we can politely be firm in our expression and communicate what it is we require without being rash, hateful or rude.
Establishing boundaries may sound awful, but it certainly doesn’t have to be, nor does maintaining them. Do everything with a kind heart and you can’t go wrong.
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
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