I came across a Reel via Instagram recently that got me thinking. It depicted a young man, probably around my age, who was discussing the concept of people-pleasing, and he drew an interesting parallel between the concept itself and parenting – he explained how, in most cases, people who consider themselves people-pleasers in their adult years were likely parent-pleasers when they were younger.
The idea of children wanting to please their parents is no bad thing, but there is an extent to which this pleasing should go, in my own opinion. When children are young, meaning when they’re not yet 10 years of age, I think they should strive to please their parents, so long as they are living in a healthy, nurturing home, because it arguably ties in with respect. Once children are preteens or teenagers, however, they tend to ‘find themselves’ and explore their own interests and passions to a more significant degree, and as children begin to mature, I don’t necessarily think they should continue doing things that please their parents if it fails to bring them any joy, within reason.
I’m not referring to chores around the house, or helping our parents when they ask for it, but as an example, say a child took up ballet because their parents paid for them to enroll. Perhaps they enjoy it as first and see it as fun, though once they become older, they may not enjoy it to the same extent they once did and would like to, instead, pursue something tailored more to their own interests. If the child chooses to continue ballet because they know it would please their parents, but they’re miserable as a result, this isn’t exactly an ideal situation. It is possible the child does not want to voice their displeasure because they worry their parents may interpret their change in interest as ungrateful, and this will not prove to be advantageous in the child’s life as they continue to grow and mature throughout life.
There is a strong chance their own happiness will coincide with the incessant need to gain their parents approval, and this can lead to issues down the road.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
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