I would wager that most of us have been at the receiving end of having our feelings invalidated at some point in life. While an unfortunate occurrence, it is a relatively common one, and as unpleasant as it is, it is often done without the perpetrator even realizing what they have just engaged with.
The act of invalidating someone’s feelings is often referred to as gaslighting, but I prefer the proper terminology. Essentially, it involves someone telling you that how something made you feel, therefore, your own feelings, are incorrect, invalid and simply wrong.
Personally, I’ve never loved being told what to do, so you can imagine my displeasure with this same dismissive behaviour in the specific context of dealing with emotions.
Say, as an example, you just had an unpleasant conversation with a friend. Your friend expressed their own feelings to you, which you listened to and respected, regardless of whether you agree with what your friend is feeling. You then proceed to share your own feelings on the same matter with your friend, only to have them react poorly and tell you that you should not feel the way you are. You now feel isolated, stupid and frustrated, and your initial feelings of displeasure are only intensified.
It is very possible to acknowledge and respect the way someone is feeling, even if you think they’re being a dramatic little bitch. Just because you would have handled the situation differently and reacted a different way does not make someone else’s experience wrong, and encouraging people to feel as though their emotions are inappropriate or not valid is a dangerous game to play. It is possible that dismissing someone’s feelings multiple times can cause them to become introverted and insecure, and it is not up to us to determine how someone should feel about something that is affecting them directly.
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash
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