Allow me to clarify the title of this post. Blaine, my husband, is a quirky guy, to say the least. Some of the words and phrases that come out of his mouth are positively hysterical, and he tends to catch me completely off guard with his wittiness, ensuring the situation is that much more hilarious.

I’ve decided to refer to these outbursts from my husband as Blaineisms, and because some of these situations are so ridiculous, I thought it would be entertaining to share some of these so-called Blaineisms with all of you. I sincerely hope these make you laugh as hard as they did for me.

A few nights ago, we were looking at our cat, Lionel, through our window. Lionel was inside, and we were outside. Lionel is black and white and was lying in a rather peculiar position. All of a sudden, Blaine looks at me, straight-faced, and says our cat resembles a milk bag.

Blaine was convinced that the liver was a component of the female reproductive system.

He often falls asleep fully clothed on top of the covers, and trying to shove him aside so I can get under the covers is a fucking struggle.

The morning of our wedding, he confused my very expensive acne face wash with soap and used it to wash his entire body. When I asked him about it, he noted that his skin was feeling particularly soft.

He usually refers to ambulances as meat wagons.

He is definitely lactose intolerant but chooses to eat dairy and make me suffer regardless. He enjoys dabbling in Dutch ovens.

He does, by far, the worst Scottish accent I have ever heard in my entire life, although he is quite proud of it.

He was convinced that OCD was the acronym for ocean collateral damage until I informed him otherwise.

I’ll be back with even more Blaineisms to share.

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