My husband, Blaine, and I have been together for over ten years now. We will celebrate our second wedding anniversary this summer, but he and I started dating when I was 19 and he was 20, and neither of us had been in a serious, committed relationship prior to the one we forged together.
We have had our highs and lows just like any other couple in existence. When I was diagnosed with Lyme disease, it affected our relationship, and it still does, but I’ve come to learn a seriously valuable lesson in my relationship with Blaine.
I used to get very frustrated with Blaine in the sense I felt like he wasn’t showing enough effort toward myself, my illness, and our relationship. I would formulate false scenarios, and furthermore, expectations in my head of what I needed from him, and when he failed to deliver, I would be hurt and upset.
I remember reading or watching a video on social media describing the exact scenario I found myself in with my partner. The woman in the video was a therapist, I believe, and she explained that while we might think that what we need from our partner is obvious, or a given, or that we shouldn’t have to ask them, the reality is that the partner arguably has absolutely no clue they are letting us down because we have not communicated our literal needs with them. What I need in my own mind from Blaine might reflect his own mind, but it is not a guarantee, and we cannot expect our partners to be mind readers. If we fail to communicate what we require to them, we cannot expect them to know and also fulfill our needs.
Once I described how I was feeling to Blaine, we both felt poorly because we realized we had unintentionally let each other down. We try our best to clearly communicate to each other what we need, or don’t need, now, and it has helped our relationship tremendously.
It might seem obvious, but communication really is key.
Photo by Oziel Gómez on Unsplash
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