Have you heard of the ‘let them’ theory?

I figure it is usually best to take any information gained via social media with a grain of salt. If sources and references are provided alongside an educational social media post, that’s wonderful; the majority of things we see on social media platforms, however, in an educational context, are often presented without any background information, meaning things can become a bit muddled when attempting to separate fact from fiction.

I recently watched an Instagram reel which featured a woman describing something called the ‘let them’ theory. I have no idea if this even is a theory, or if this woman just made this philosophy up herself, therefore I’m not entirely savvy on the origin of this school of thought. I found the theory to be rather interesting, though, and whether or not it has actual psychological affiliations, I think it makes sense.

Essentially, this woman described the ‘let them’ theory as a state of mind in which we refrain from forcing other people to match our own energy, expectations and needs. She explains how if we have a friend who promised us they would accompany us to a concert but then changes their mind and chooses not to go, to ‘let them’; she states how if you want to have steak for dinner, but your partner wants chicken, to ‘let them’; she discusses how if your kids are supposed to be awake at a certain time for a specific event but they sleep in, to ‘let them.’

At first, I found myself disagreeing with this theory and what it stands for. But, when the woman narrating the video explained how many of us waste a tremendous amount of time and energy trying to force people to change themselves or things they’re doing for our own benefit as opposed to ‘letting them’ be themselves and show us who they really are, it did make sense. Can we expect others to perform things and interpret things the same way we do? Not entirely, no.

What are your thoughts on the ‘let them’ theory?

Image from https://images.pexels.com/photos/3762369/pexels-photo-3762369.jpeg?auto=compress&cs=tinysrgb&w=1260&h=750&dpr=1


2 thoughts on “Have you heard of the ‘let them’ theory?

  1. I saw this too and as I’m coming out of a 31 year marriage, I can see now that he revealed himself to me from the beginning. He’s been a huge disappointment from the time I met him but he wanted me to ‘mold’ him into the man he thought he wanted to be. I dedicated my life, as his wife, to build him up, make him a better man, and hide from others what he was really like. As I think back through the years, I think how that wasn’t my job…he should’ve wanted that for himself…and done it himself. Telling me (ALL THE TIME) that he is a good man now solely because of me…should’ve been a red flag. I was so young when we married that I didn’t see these red flags. I had led a very sheltered life up to that point. I don’t know if I agree with what this woman said when it comes to your kids, especially if they are still minors but I am done wasting my life, hoping others will want to be a part of mine. I choose me now.


    1. Thank you so much for reading, and for sharing your story. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this unfortunate situation, but I applaud you for choosing yourself first, finally. That takes tremendous strength, bravery and courage. By no means is it your role to morph him into the man he should be – like you said, he should want to do that himself. Wishing you positivity and healing here forward.


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