I would wager most of us have heard the phrase “forgive and forget” at some point or another in life. It’s a well-known expression, and one that is used by many people in all sorts of contexts.
I’ve never really known how to feel about this saying. Forgiveness is one thing, and forgetting is another, and I don’t necessarily believe the two always go hand-in-hand, or that forgiveness is objective; if anything, I think different situations warrant different approaches to forgiveness, especially depending on the severity of the action that requires forgiveness.
I will say, however, that I’m at a point in my life during which I’ve come to realize how useless it is to hold grudges and ruminate in anger and hurt. It’s taken me a while to realize it, but the only thing we accomplish when we harbour emotions and refuse to forgive is hurt ourselves, both mentally and physically. Choosing and remaining angry for a prolonged period of time is fucking exhausting, and it really doesn’t accomplish much aside from making us even more pissed off.
I’ve learned that when we are opposed to forgiveness, our emotions toward the incident that has us yearning for an apology (which, by the way, may not ever come) only intensify over time, causing us to be even more miserable than we initially were. It’s a vicious, taxing cycle, and again, it achieves nothing helpful or constructive.
Hence why I believe in forgiving, but perhaps not necessarily forgetting. I don’t know if it’s realistic or logical to forget scenarios in which we have been wronged or hurt, because they oftentimes serve as learning experiences for the future. But, in the context of forgiveness, it really is best to be willing and open toward the idea, even when it’s damn hard, for our own sake.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
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