Desi Perkins, a Youtuber specializing in makeup, recently posted a video in which she discusses the struggles she and her husband have been facing for several years in their desire to start a family. She has mentioned in previous videos that after years of trying, she and Steven, her husband, did conceive, however she miscarried and experienced many complications and was hospitalized in the process. They have been trying on-and-off since the miscarriage, but as Desi explains in the video, she is terrified to continuously experience disappointment each time she gets her hopes up that she may be pregnant.
The video is difficult to watch as it is incredibly sad, however, I believe it is important to view in today’s day and age. She explains in the video that in her role as a social media influencer, she is constantly bombarded with questions related to “are you pregnant,” “why don’t you have kids yet,” and so on. She has addressed these speculations before in her videos, but for someone who is struggling to begin a family, hearing these questions and statements on a daily basis is not only angering but mentally exhausting.
I realize Desi, as a social media influencer, is more likely to experience these accusations than the average person using Instagram, but the message I am attempting to convey remains the same in any and all contexts; it is not okay to ask someone if they’re pregnant, if they’re trying to get pregnant, if they want or do not kids, etc., unless they themselves prompt the discussion. Infertility is an issue that impacts more couples than the average person recognizes, and although I cannot begin to try and understand what infertility issues consist of in terms of emotional and physical stress, I acknowledge that it is a situation that concerns no one except the couple experiencing it.
In plain terms, keep your questions to yourself, unless otherwise warranted. We have no idea what other people are dealing with.
Be kind. Always.
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