ontheedgeofeverything

Before I get into my own account of what anxiety consists of for me, personally, I want to state that anxiety and all types of mental illness impact people differently. It is impossible to categorize symptoms of mental illness that apply to each and every person who struggles with them to an entirely accurate degree, and the ways in which I experience anxiety may not be how you or someone else experiences anxiety.

For me, anxiety is basically thoughts that creep in and convince me to feel worried, stressed, and overwhelmed about very menial things. Asking myself if I unplugged the straightener, even though I’m positive I did; having a conversation with someone and feeling sick to my stomach afterward when I consider that something I said may have insulted them, even though I know for a fact it didn’t; checking my alarm clocks six times before I go to sleep to make sure they’re on, even though I know they are after the first time I checked.

Anxiety is seriously awful. It messes with your mind, your confidence, and depletes any ounce of self-confidence you may have. It happens when you’re least expecting it, and when these thoughts enter my mind, I feel the pit of my stomach drop, and I get irritated, hypersensitive, and isolate myself.

I’ve been on anti-anxiety medication for roughly eight years now, but I’ve come to the conclusion it isn’t helping me a whole lot. I’m looking into seeing a counselor to provide me with some coping mechanisms, but until I’m able to see someone, I continue to literally attack my own mind with negative thoughts daily.

The worst part? I know these thoughts are false, but I listen to them anyways. No matter how hard I try to shut them out, to push them out of my head, they always find a way to creep back in and cause me to doubt myself.

Anxiety is crippling, damaging and debilitating. There’s no bullshit here.